An Angry Woman of Any Race

[teaoli]

The recent goings on at S_U brought to mind a recent response to a comment I made to a race post. One of the topics that was covered was the Angry Black Woman. Google the term to find a wealth of information about the topic.

But I think Any Woman who has been silenced for illegitimate reasons would also be Angry.



So when I look back and remember that this comment...

You know, before I started reading fan fic again, I thought most of the anti-Spock/Uhura noise was coming from K/S 'shippers (like my mom, who wasn't happy to see Daddy and me win a rival ship made canon), but the moment I started hanging out in fic-heavy comm, I started noticing a viciousness that I hadn't noticed before.

Then I went back to my old discussion boards, and, sure enough, the mean was there, too.

And more people than I would have imagined brought up race -- but mostly in the context that "if you think I called Uhura ugly/evil/worthy-of-death/etc because she's black, well obviously you're the one hung up on race! Get over it already!!"

Looking back, in some cases I would have liked to have responded:

1). Why is Uhura ugly/evil/worthy-of-death if not because she's Black?

and

2). We'll "get over it already" when race is no longer an issue. When being non-White in Western society stops opening us up for immediate, albeit often subconscious, critcism.

But, like I said in my very first post here, I was raised by folks who mostly "fought back" by becoming model citizens and who only "got loud" in the face of the most egregious offense.

I'm still trying the figure out where the line is, but I've read enough by now to realize that a lot of S/U haters and Uhura haters cross it.

elicited this response...

Well, you're already the aggressor for talking about it, bringing it up, so you lose regardless. *shrug* Just talking about this kind of topic is seen as an angry/attacking action.

Personally, I like analyzing these kinds of things. I'm curious about what makes people say this stuff.

You can be a "model of behavior" and while that's admirable, it sucks that you do that in order to only get closer to that setting of normal relaxed woman. You never really achieve it, because if you do get angry, righteously or not, suddenly you're Angry Black Woman.

Still, it's always good to be a best person for the *you* regardless of the others. :)

... I'm angry. With myself. With the choices of the mod in question. With the situation as a whole.

The repsonse is notable because as my anger over what has transpired grew, I found myself looking back to the advice given here; advice which came from the same person I believe has treated me, as well as other members, unfairly.

Rereading has shown me that I failed to recognize and adjust for two important facts:

1). This person has a significantly different voice from me.

I can see why someone who expects confrontation, and who had behaved the way I believed she has behaved, would decide that she was the sole inspiration for my story.

I don't understand why my assertions that the story was inspired by the behaviors of many people was ignored or, perhaps simply disbelieved, nor do I understand why, when there had been no controversy attached to the story prior to her posting her first moderator's note, she decided to post said note.

2). We not only have different voices, but we also clearly do not understand each other's voices or motivations.

It might seem as if this point was already covered above, but it wasn't.

The best analogy I can come up with is to make a comparison with a person who has sufficient knowledge of a language other than her or his native tongue to understand it, but does not have sufficient knowledge to speak it.

In this situation, not only do we speak different tongues, but our individual languages are not mutually intelligible.

That, even more than realizing that we see the world very differently, is something I should have recognized from our earlier exchange.

I failed to do so and now am left with an anger I'd rather not be feeling, and because she is a holder of the keys to the comm, I also feel as if I have no voice.

In the end, I am saddened and disappointed because, in spite of realizing what I realize now, I continue believe that I made the right choice -- something I would not have done had I expected things to turn out that way. And, even if I'd made that (wrong) choice, I would still have been without a voice.

Comments

[thedorkygirl.livejournal.com]

S_U has such wank in it sometimes. what did you think of that pointed "are you a racist" question?

[thedorkygirl.livejournal.com]

*questionnaire?

[teaoli.livejournal.com]

still lost.

ummm

[teaoli.livejournal.com]

Which one?

OK!

[teaoli.livejournal.com]

Now I think I know what you're talking about.

The one by ankhesen_mie?

I think it was a valid companion piece to the other posts that have shown up on the comm lately.

I don't for a second believe she was trying to instigate wank.

It might be something you have to think about every day; or it might be something you've never considered.

An ex-bf of mine took a similar quiz years ago, and BIG SURPRISE, in spite of having a Black gf, he had some beliefs he needed to work on.

Then, I took the quiz, and BIGGER SURPRISE, in spite of being his Black gf, I had some thoughts I needed to rememdy as well.

[nicnac100.livejournal.com]

I remember that discussion and that response to your statement. When I read her response to you it made me uneasy. It was to me passive aggressive.

I'm not agrumentive and I hate confrontations myself, but unfortunately some people take it as passive and weak. I neither. It doesn't mean that I don't get angry when my character is malign. I certainly do get angry. There is nothing wrong with being angry. It human emotion we all have. It the way we handle that emotion that define if we are decent human being.

Although you made have a right to feel angry, holding on to this angry is unhealthy and time consuming. It only builds up resentment.

I'm not entirely sure everything that went down with you and the mod, but hopefully things can be work out. Until then I miss your contribution at the S/U community.

no worries

[teaoli.livejournal.com]

I'm not holding on to the anger. I know what I said and did not say, and folks who know me believe me. That's good enough to ease the anger.

But the disappointment about the way I was portrayed might take a bit longer to go away.